It was confusing and full of hummus
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
