Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
