I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
