she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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