ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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