well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
