Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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