I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
