I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
