Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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