they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
