My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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