Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's shark week go big or go home
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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