Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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