i was born a porn star she said
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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