hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
