He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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