drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
