i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
