can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
