Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
