i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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