You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
