Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
