we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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