True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
