I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
