i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
