I need help removing her.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
