I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
