I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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