If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
