And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
