Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
