I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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