He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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