thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
