Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
