does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
