He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
