we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
