the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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