this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
