I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
