i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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