worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
