The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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