I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
