I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
