his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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