Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
